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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29343111">I want it, can't have it.</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xazz/pseuds/Xazz'>Xazz</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Entropy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Destiny (Video Games)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Violence, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Entropy-verse, F/M, First Kiss, Fluff, Gentle Kissing, Huddling For Warmth, Hurt/Comfort, Platonic Cuddling, Stasis, Warm, atypical uses of the Light, domestic awkwardness, hand holding</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 12:55:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>18,079</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29343111</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Xazz/pseuds/Xazz</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Shin hears worrying Vanguard chatter about what’s going on on Europa. The potential for Dark Guardians is high. Then he finds out the Young Wolf let it get to them. Well its different when you know them right?</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Female Guardian/Shin Malphur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Entropy [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2172795</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>32</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. This man, this dutiful man has got this sense of devotion.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I started writing this, half way through chapter 1 I did some deeper lore research and went, "Wow, Shin sucks. He's a flaming dumper fire of a character holy shit" and then kept going. Because IhaveatypeIguess? The type being I like making assholes deal with their <i>feelings</i>.</p><p>Anyone paired with Shin deserves WAY fucking better holy shit. What a disaster.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The Tower was home. Technically. Shin never had felt like it was his home though. Not really. His home was the wilderness, the hidden places in the world, far away from the Tower and most everyone else. This new Tower felt even less like home. But even he needed to talk to someone else other than his adopted father’s old Ghost after weeks out in the wilderness.</p><p>At some point every night even the Tower’s lights dimmed and turned off. Even Zavala had to sleep, even Kadi-55 had to be recharged, even Guardians needed to find themselves somewhere safe for the night. It was the hunter hour when only the sleepless were awake. The shadows were long and the only light in the Tower was the reflection from the Traveler.</p><p>And the glow of the Vault terminals.</p><p>A long figure, not even in armor, stood at the Vault, cycling through their gear. Shin hadn’t slept either.</p><p>“Go away, Shin,” Wolf said, not looking up from the screen she was using. “I ain’t got time.”</p><p>“I didn’t even say anything,” he said.</p><p>“I know. Keep it that way.”</p><p>He looked at her hard. She wasn’t paying him any mind. Usually she at least pretended to listen. Not tonight. He hadn’t seen her this focused in a long while. “What’s the matter?”</p><p>“Nothing. I said go away,” she was dismantling guns and pulling out new ones almost as fast as her Ghost could turn them into glimmer. Looked like she was really sorting her vault out. Only keeping the things she absolutely needed and could transmat at a glance. He glanced down at the screen. It was half empty. For a hoarder like Wolf that was both impressive and concerning.</p><p>He didn’t move. She could make him say things he didn’t want to admit to and it went both ways. Wolf was just way more stone cold than him. But his presence was annoying and he knew it and Wolf would say something just to make him leave. So he just waited, quiet, watching her.</p><p>“Do you have to stand there?” Wolf’s Ghost asked.</p><p>“It’s a free Tower,” he shrugged.</p><p>The Ghost did it’s best impression of a frown but turned away from him. Shin’s Ghost came up and spoke into his ear, “She doesn’t seem happy you’re here.” He just shrugged. He knew his Ghost was still annoyed he wasn’t as easy to get along with as Jaren. That and many other reasons he knew the Ghost regretted its choice.</p><p>He stood there for a while. Finally Wolf sighed widely. “Fine,” she said. “If I tell you will you go away?”</p><p>“Maybe. Who knows?” Shin grinned in his helmet.</p><p>“Me and Glitterbomb are being sent to Europa, strange signal out there.” It took Shin a second to remember what the fuck Glitterbomb was. Right, that was the name of Wolf’s squad. Fireteam Glitterbomb. What a weird ass name.</p><p>“I dunno why that’s got you so stressed.”</p><p>“I dunno Shin, maybe the fact that we just lost four planets worth of ground in the past three weeks to pyramids and there’s a pyramid on Europa?” Wolf was annoyed with him.</p><p>“Right, those things,” he said casually like they weren’t the cause of his lack of sleep the last few months. “Still, its just recon. Nothing weird.”</p><p>“Zavala’s ordered all other fireteams away from the moon until further notice. It’ll just be us out there.”</p><p>“Just the six of you? For a whole moon?”</p><p>“At first. If it’s worth the effort we’ll set up reclaimation beacons. But there shouldn’t be anything on that moon. Our records show it to be uninhabited, uncolonized. Not even the Traveler could make it more than a hunk of ice all the way out there.” That didn’t seem right to Shin. They’d settled Ganymede and Titan and Io but somehow the people of the Golden Age just hadn’t colonized Europa?</p><p>“Sounds like someone changed the records,” Shin said. Wolf didn’t comment. Ah. So she knew it also sounded like bullshit. Guess you didn’t become a God Killer by being stupid. “How long you reckon this recon will take?”</p><p>“Heh,” she finally turned off the vault terminal screen, she was done. “I’m pulling a you, few weeks, month or two?”</p><p>“That long? For a signal?” She shrugged. She wasn’t telling him something. Or she was telling him nothing.</p><p>“So I guess that means no Crucible? Or Gambit? Lameeee,” he sighed, over dramatic about it. He was glad that made a small smile appear on her face. Wolf didn’t look good so serious.</p><p>“Yeah. Shaxx and Drifter wil have to live with you just cleaning house without me,” she shrugged.</p><p>“When are you leaving?”</p><p>“Dawn. Give the others a chance to rest.”</p><p>“You should to.”</p><p>“Heh, yeah, I’ll get right on that,” she said sarcastically. Shin knew it was a big ask. Most Hunters had nightmares. He couldn’t imagine what Wolf’s were like. “Need to get my ship prepped and ready to go,” as she said that a ship flew overhead and stopped to hover above the top of the old Tower. “I’ll see you later, Shin.”</p><p>“You better. You die out there I’ll find your Ghost, bring you back, and kill you myself,” Shin threatened. Wolf giggled and gave him the friendly Hunter salute before she transmatted out.</p><p>Shin looked up at the ship. “It’s Wolf, she’ll be fine,” his Ghost said.</p><p>“Better hope so,” Shin said.</p><p>“And you should follow your own advice. Get some rest. The Tower’s a safe place.”</p><p>“Eh, maybe,” and he stalked off away from the vaults. His Ghost sighed and followed after him, not able to do much else.</p><p>—</p><p>Shin never did anything the Tower said unless he felt like it. He played nice so Shaxx would let him play Crucible and when he didn’t he went and bothered Drifter for games of Gambit. But otherwise he did what he wanted.</p><p>Who’d stop him?</p><p>Drifter had been gone lately. No games of Gambit, the grate closed, even the Light containment pod seemed dull. Some other Guardians said Eris was absent from the Moon.That wouldn’t have even been on Shin’s radar if Drifter didn’t talk about Eris. For a man with no friends Drifter seemed to consider Eris one of them, for some bizarre reason. So if they were both gone and Wolf was gone there had to be something up. And Shin hated not knowing things.</p><p>He had his Ghost intercept an official Vanguard message out to Europa. It was just Zavala saying that the actions of Fireteam Glitterbomb were not sanctioned by the Vanguard. That this ‘new power’ was not to be used and they were to return to Earth immediatly for the Vanguard to figure out what to do next. Shin had no idea what any of that meant. The response message had been even more worrying. It was two short sentences that made Shin go cold, spoken by one of the Warlocks on Wolf’s fireteam.</p><p>‘Can’t return. In too deep.’</p><p>Shin paced his room thinking about that. His Ghost just watched him. “Wearing a trough through your floor won’t solve your mystery,” his Ghost said.</p><p>“What if it’s bad?” Shin asked, still pacing.</p><p>“Well I hope you’ll do the right thing,” they said. Shin shot the Ghost a filthy look. “Ah, so it’s different if you’re friends with them.”</p><p>“Don’t lecture me,” he growled. “You have a sudden change of heart?”</p><p>“My opinion on your actions has never changed,” the Ghost said. “But if they are gone I would hope you don’t play favorites. Otherwise what is the point of that last few centuries if you hesitate because you know the person who’s brain you’re blowing up? Who’s Ghost your killing?”</p><p>“Watch your mouth,” and Shin pulled the Thorn out of its holster.</p><p>The Ghost looked at him. “Pathetic,” and drifted away. A new dagger bullet joined the myriad already imbedded in the wall, just barely missing the Ghost. Jaren’s Ghost didn’t even flinch from it. It was used to Shin almost shooting it.</p><p>He shoved the gun back into its holster and resumed his pacing. Stupid ass Ghost! Her put his hands together, fingers on his lips as he walked and thought. It did present a problem. There was a pyramid out there. And Wolf had told him the pyramid had spoken to her, with her voice and face, and through her Ghost. The Darkness had reached out to her numerous times. It made him uneasy. She was his friend. One of his only ones. The thought of real deathing her made his stomach churn.</p><p>He wasn’t sure he could do it.</p><p>But she could also be fine! Wolf got in over her head all the time and came out just fine. Killed numerous Hive Gods and didn’t stare back into the abyss when it came calling or get lost in the Ascendant Realms even when it was almost a third home. Looked into the eye of Aetheon and put a rocket into it and didn’t go mad in revolving, endless time. Faced Riven endlessly, repeatedly, forever, in the Dreaming City, alway looking for a way to break the curse and never fell pray to the siren song of an Ahamkara’s promises of wishes.</p><p>The longer he thought the more he convinced himself she was fine. She was fine. Whatever thing they’d gotten in too deep about had to do with the signal. Maybe some alien race had decided to set up shop there. And as everyone’s favorite Guardian she had to stop it.</p><p>Then why hadn’t Zavala sent other fireteams, other Guardians, to go help? If it was routine then he would have sent other Guardians to assist Glitterbomb. Instead he was telling them to pull out of Europa.</p><p>Couldn’t. In too deep.</p><p>“Ghost,” he called. It had a name. He never called it by its name. Felt too weird. His Ghost was looking at some things on his wall and turned to look at him. “Bring my ship out of the hanger. We’re leaving.”</p><p>“Maybe change your armor so she doesn’t yell at you,” Ghost said and he glared at it until it disappeared. But yeah. That sounded like Wolf.</p><p>—</p><p>He could feel the depth of the Pyramid even before his ship was in Jupiter’s gravity well. He’d stayed away from the planets that had had pyriamids on them on purpose. But as they flew the orbits of Jupiter’s moons there was no getting away from them. It wasn’t just Europa either. He could feel it from Io, from Ganymede. They were on every moon the people of the Golden Age had colonized. It felt like a hand squeezing the light out of his Ghost. Even if he didn’t like the damn thing very much he didn’t mind when it came closer to him, tucking itself in his hood nervously. And Wolf had been out here weeks with this opressive Darkness?</p><p>It was easy to find Glitterbomb once he got his ship to Europa. They were the only ships in gyro synchronous orbit around Europa, noses pointed down at the moon like any moment they’d dive bomb the world. None of them hailed him. Usually Guardians did, if only to just say hello, welcome to the worst place in the system. Their comms were quiet too. No chatter between each ship.</p><p>That was worrying.</p><p>He joined the formation at the edges, ass of his ship towards the frozen rock. But not before he saw what all the ships were pointed at. At a distance it was small but distinct. A pyramid. And beyond that, the remains of a Golden Age city. So they had come out here.</p><p>Shin hailed Glitterbomb on local comms. “You guys still alive out here.”</p><p>“Relatively. Who is this?” Shin breathed a sigh of relief. He recognized the voice at least. It was Rat, Glitterbomb’s Defender and resident bubble buddy. “Europa is off limits to all Guardians by order of Commander Zavala. Take your ship and head back to the inner system.”</p><p>“You’re here,” he said.</p><p>“Who is this?” Rat asked, she sounded more annoyed than usual. Weird. He recalled Rat was a pretty chill Titan. More likely to laugh at you than anything else.</p><p>“Is there anyone else on the flotilla other than you, Rat?” Shin just asked.</p><p>“Maybe if you tell me who you are I’ll tell you.”</p><p>“Rat, that’s enough,” he didn’t want to admit how relieved he was to hear Wolf’s voice. “It’s just Shin.”</p><p>“Uhg. What’s he doing here?”</p><p>“I dunno.”</p><p>“Whatever. Trying to do you a favor Wolfy.”</p><p>“I know. I got it,” and Rat’s comm cut off. Shin raised an eyebrow when the comm line narrowed. “What are you doing out here, Shin?” Wolf didn’t sound annoyed like Rat, or even that tired, but there was something off in her voice.</p><p>“Following a lead,” he said.</p><p>“Heh. Okay. There’s nothing out here but us. So unless you’re here to kill us I’m afraid you’ve come to the wrong place.” His heart rate sped up a little at the mention.</p><p>“I hadn’t planned on it, no,” he said slowly. “Unless there’s somehing you wanna tell me?”</p><p>“Nope. Now you can leave. Glitterbomb has it under control.”</p><p>“Why don’t I believe you,” he said slowly. “There’s a Pyramid under you.”</p><p>“Yeah.”</p><p>“Want to elaborate?”</p><p>“Not really.”</p><p>“You actually okay?”</p><p>“We’re all fine. Just a little tired. Just ready for it to be over.”</p><p>“What?” Fuck this. She was being vague and it was making him worry. He muted his comm. “Get me on her ship,” he said to his Ghost who was still hiding in his hood.</p><p>“Eh, it’s fine. Really. We’ll be back soon.”</p><p>“Her transmat isn’t available.”</p><p>Shin rolled his eyes. “Like that’s ever stopped you before,” he said. The Ghost said nothing, he heard its shell click softly and then he went from sitting in the cockpit to standing in the back of Wolf’s ship.</p><p>She had her Ghost in front of her, talking through him. As soon as he appeared she had a gun out, pointed right at his head. “Wha- Shin. What the fuck!” Wolf asked.</p><p>It was miserable in the ship. His HUD told him the temperature was in the nineties and almost a hundred humidity. He was glad he was still in a full suit that regulated his personal temperature. Wolf had a wall mounted lounge on her ship, no bed, and she was sitting on it in her thermal layer as well as wrapped herself in four blankets. She wasn’t even sweating. If anything she looked freezing.</p><p>Then he really got a look at her. “What did you do?” Shin asked her quietly. Her Light was dim, he could tell just by looking at her.</p><p>“What did I do? What are you doing? Who said you could transmat onto my ship?” Wolf demanded, she still had her sidearm aimed at his head.</p><p>He stepped forward and grabbed the gun. She was slow. Normally she’d be quick enough to stop him. “What did you do?” Shin asked again.</p><p>“Get off. My ship,” she glared at him.</p><p>“Did you let the Pyramid get into your head? You did didn’t you? What is the matter with you?”</p><p>She stood up. Her skin was pale, except for the bags under her eyes. She poked him hard, in the chest. “You don’t get to come onto my ship and lecture me, Shin Malphur,” she hissed. Her eyes were dark. “I am doing the right thing and that is all you need to know. If you came all the way out here to lecture me you can save it,” she sat back down heavily, like her limbs were too heavy. “I’m miserable enough as it is, you don’t need to make it worse,” and she pulled one of the blankets around her. Now she did look tired. But not from lack of sleep. This was a different tired.</p><p>“You don’t look okay,” Shin said.</p><p>“It’s all relative,” she said. “You going to get off my ship or what?”</p><p>Somehow in this blazing heat and a blanket she was still cold. She wasn’t shivering but he could see her fingers trembling, and she was so pale. Somehow in all this heat she couldn’t get warm. Meaning the cold wasn’t coming from the outside. He’d felt that chill before. Hadn’t liked it one bit. A fire had burned it away.</p><p>Shin pulled one of his gloves off. “You look real cold,” he said.</p><p>“It’ll pass-“ she started when he reached over and put his hand gently on her cheek. Her skin was freezing, like touching ice. He was still flush with Solar Light from being on Earth, so close to the Traveler, and the Sun. To her flickering Light it was like holding a match next to a bonfire. She sighed and reached up, her cold hands holding his hand against her face, eyes closing slightly.</p><p>“You sure it’s nothing?” Shin asked her.</p><p>She looked up at him. “We have it under control,” she said and reluctantly pulled away.</p><p>“You’re sitting on a ship with the heat on full blast, shivering because you can’t get warm. I think control is the last thing you have in the situation,” Shin said sternly.</p><p>“It’ll pass,” she said. “Just part of the process.”</p><p>“What process?”</p><p>Before she could answer him her Ghost expanded and a voice came out. He didn’t recognize it. “Wolf? Wolf are you there?”</p><p>“I’m here,” she said.</p><p>“You’re needed down here. We found something.”</p><p>“I’m coming,” she got up.</p><p>“I’m sending coordinates to your Ghost.”</p><p>“Thanks,” and her Ghost transmatted her armor onto her. It was armor he’d never seen on her before. Not her usual set. It looked like old polar exploration gear. Gear for cold weather. He supposed Europa was an ice world. But how’d it do keeping up with cold on the inside? Her helmet appeared on her head, ending her and Shin’s conversation officially. “Go home, Shin,” she told him again. “Glitterbomb’s got it under control.”</p><p>“Why don’t I believe you at all?”</p><p>“Doesn’t matter if you do. It’s the score. Don’t let me find you back here,” and then she disappeared in a lattice of transmat, leaving Shin and his Ghost alone.</p><p>“Shall I return us to our ship?” the Ghost asked.</p><p>“Absolutely not,” Shin said. He went over to the lounge and picked up the blankets. They were the same type they gave to refugees to keep them warm when traveling during the winter and having to pass through the mountains to get to the City. They were for the worst cold weather. He folded them up and put them on a pile at the end of the lounge. “See if you can’t turn the heat down in here. It ain’t doing her any good anyway.” His Ghost did nothing. “You hear me?”</p><p>“I did. I was just contemplating if I liked her or you more on what I should do,” it said. Asshole.</p><p>“She’s just burning through fuel probably faster than she’ll be able to replace. What’s her fuel at?” He went and checked. The gauge was at the middle. Not bad but for a ship like this, as good as one Wolf could afford anything less than maxed out was too low. She always kept it topped off if she could. Also the fuel should last months even with jumps. She’d burned through half of it in a few weeks, the mechanism to make it hot enough to keep the icy chill of space at bay working overclocked.</p><p>“What Wolf does is hardly our concern,” his Ghost said.</p><p>“You’re useless,” and he turned the heat down manually. “Unless you want her to be stranded out here in a few weeks when this is over and she’s got no fuel.”</p><p>“She has her fireteam. They take care of each other. I know its a difficult concept for you to understand, but most Guardians rely on others.”</p><p>Shin just picked his Ghost out of the air and shoved him into a hard pouch on his belt. He had some of that stuff Spider used to trap Ghosts sewn into the lining to keep him from escaping and also shut him up. He’d be fine in there and kept him out of Shin’s way when he was doing something his Ghost didn’t approve of; which was a lot of things.</p><p>All that was left to do was to wait. Shin spent his life waiting. He didn’t mind. He sat on Wolf’s lounge and leaned back, his helmet going opaque and acted like a screen for him to watch old Golden Age videos. Everything from now-a-days was too pessimistic, or about Guardians, written by people who didn’t know shit about Guardians, or Dark Ages stuff, again written by people who hadn’t been alive during the Dark Ages. He preferred the glimpse into a world he’d never know over that.</p><p>The ship had returned to a comfortable temperature before Wolf returned. His vision returned as she transmatted back onto the ship. She was talking to her Ghost and didn’t notice him at first. “We have to figure out how to-“ pause to yank her helmet off, “get her alone. Otherwise it’s just— I told you to get off my ship,” she had her sidearm pulled on him again.</p><p>“When do I ever listen to orders?”</p><p>“Ugh, you’re useless,” and she went to the cockpit. “Did you turn the heat down?”</p><p>“It wasn’t helping,” Shin said.</p><p>“It was,” he heard the engine turn over to run the heat up again.</p><p>He got up and went to the cockpit, turning it down. “It wasn’t. I should know. I touched your skin. You were ice cold. It wasn’t helping. Stop wasting your fuel on heat that’s doing nothing.” She scowled at him. “Trust me, it won’t help.”</p><p>“And how would you know?” Wolf demanded.</p><p>“It’s literally my job to hunt down Guardians who turn away from the Light. You don’t think I’ve seen these symptoms before?” Up close. Too close.</p><p>“I haven’t turned away from the Light,” she said.</p><p>“Good, because I don’t want to shoot you.”</p><p>They stared at each other in silence for a long moment. “I’d kill you first,” she said in deadly seriousness. “I got too much shit to do to let you real death me.” She left the cockpit. “It’s a tool, like anything else,” her Ghost transmatted all the rest of her armor off her, leaving her in just the extra thick thermal layer.</p><p>“It’s dangerous,” he said, following her back into the ship.</p><p>“Save me the lecture,” she picked up one of the blankets. “Zavala is better at giving them and he’s already chewed us out about it. That’s why Europa is off limits.” She wrapped the blanket around her shoulders like a cloak and sat on the lounge. “Now you going to get off my ship or what?”</p><p>“And leave you here like this? I’m not that much of an asshole,” Shin finally let his Ghost out of the hard pouch. It was glaring at him as best a Ghost could.</p><p>“Could’a fooled me,” she said and despite her bravado she was shivering now. Maybe the heat from the ship had kept her skin warm enough to stop her from shivering but at a normal temperature it wasn’t nearly enough. He frowned at her.</p><p>“I’m worried about you,” he said. “You’re my friend. I ain’t got many of those.”</p><p>“Tsk, I wonder why,” she muttered to herself.</p><p>“You sure you want me to leave?” and Shin just casually held a naked hand out. They both knew he was full of Light and warmth. But was Wolf too proud to take it?</p><p>She stared at his hand and hesitated. Then she reached out and grabbed it. It was like holding hands with an ice sculpture. Her skin was almost hard she was so cold. “Okay, you can stay a little while,” she finally allowed.</p><p>“Okay,” he said and took his hand away, he felt her try to hold on but her grip wasn’t strong enough. How did they expect to fight whatever they were fighting out here if whatever they’d done was making them so weak? He had his Ghost transmat all his gear off back onto his own ship so he was down to his own thermals. “Get up,” he motioned and she stood up from the lounge, still holding onto the blanket, looking confused about what the fuck he was doing. He sat and got comfortable.</p><p>“You’ve got to be kidding?” Wolf stared at him.</p><p>“Nope,” he said casually.</p><p>She looked real torn. Like she knew Shin would never let her live this down and if she wanted to deal with that, and wanting to be warm. Wanting to be warm won out. “Fine. Bastard,” she sat down in his lap, hating every moment of having to do that.</p><p>“I won’t even tell Glitterbomb,” he teased her and put his arms around her. Even through the thermal clothes he could feel the cold radiating from her core.</p><p>“You do I really will kill you,” she threatened him.</p><p>They sat in silence after that. It wasn’t uncomfortable. Not really. He could feel the chill leaving her bones from being so close to the Light. Whatever power she’d taken on still didn’t have a full root in her and was no match for Shin’s searing Light. “Feeling better?” Shin asked after a few minutes. Wolf didn’t answer. He leaned around her shoulder and both was and wasn’t surprised she’d fallen asleep. If you were too cold to sleep along with being a Hunter Shin guessed other than a few naps Wolf hadn’t slept the entire time she was out here. At least if the shadows under her eyes was anything to go by. “Yeah, guess so.” He pulled her closer so she could lean against him.</p><p>His Ghost stared at him, floating nearby. “What?” Shin asked it.</p><p>“I didn’t think you played favorites,” was all it said and then floated away. He glared after it. Fucking shitty ass Ghost.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>If you liked me ruining Shin's day you should leave a comment!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. This man, this dutiful man, he's got these mixed up emotions.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>The most hilarious thing to me about Wolf is she isn't even <i>my</i>  Guardian. Eric would never be caught dead anywhere near Shin. That and face the Darkness? Sounds scary. She's the type to cry while shooting a big monster in the face so it doesn't eat her. I also wouldn't torture my poor daughter shipping her with the living dumpster fire that is Shin Malphur. So I just make Wolf (and Drifter) suffer instead lol</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wolf eventually did kick him off her ship. Warm Solar Light or not she could only tolerate someone in her space for so long. Shin understood. It was a Hunter thing. It was why you never saw more than two in a fireteam or band. They needed their space, especially from other Hunters.</p><p>Shin sat in his cockpit looking back at the sun. At this distance it was only brighter than the surrounding stars. His Ghost hovered next to him. “Just say it already,” Shin said.</p><p>“This is a weakness of character in you I didn’t expect,” it said.</p><p>“Amid the myriad of them, right?”</p><p>The Ghost said nothing for a little while. “Your father would have approved this weakness,” he said.</p><p>“What he would have liked doesn’t matter. He’s fucking dead,” Shin slouched in the seat.</p><p>“Says the boy who just wants to be like him, and got lost along the way.”</p><p>Shin glared at the Ghost. “Hey, I didn’t ask for this. You picked me, don’t forget that,” he hissed. “This is all because of you.”</p><p>The Ghost said nothing. He couldn’t say anything. Shin had just been a stupid mortal when he’d picked up Jaren’s gun and swore he’d kill Yor himself. That was the stupid sort of bravery Guardians showed, and Shin was sure that was why the Ghost had decided he’d make a good one. He also knew Jaren’s Ghost didn’t have a day go by he didn’t regret it.</p><p>“Guardians make their own fate,” the Ghost said after a minute.</p><p>“Pft, yeah, okay,” Shin rolled his eyes.</p><p>“Perhaps I wasn’t talking about you,” the Ghost said seriously, staring at him hard. “Wolf and Glitterbomb always make their own fate. Perhaps you are an archaic device now, if they can wield the Dark without going mad.”</p><p>“They always go mad,” Shin said, glaring at the Ghost.</p><p>“Not always,” the Ghost said and Shin looked away, rubbing the knuckles of a clenched fist in annoyance. No. Not always. Just usually. “They know what they’re getting into. They hardly need Shin Malphur to come make their fate.”</p><p>Shin just didn’t answer the Ghost. It tried talking to him some more but he just ignored it. He didn’t plan to acknowledge it again.</p><p>They spent a day and a half in cold silence towards each other. Not the longest they’d gone without talking. When there was a mutual dislike sometimes his Ghost went months without speaking to him, only doing as Shin asked, when asked, and offering no insight to what he was doing.</p><p>“There is a message for you,” the Ghost said after a day and a half.</p><p>“A message? Not a link?”</p><p>“It arrived several hours ago. It is only relevant now,” the Ghost said and Shin glared at him.</p><p>“Well what’s it say?”</p><p>The Ghost’s eye glowed and his shell opened slightly. Wolf’s voice came out. “Hey Shin... so this is real awkward for me. Don’t make it fucking weird. I got some stuff to do down on Europa for a while, couple hours. I know your ship is still here, even though I told you to leave,” for a moment her voice became annoyed and not meandering, refusing to get to the point Shin already knew she was getting to. “But would you be willing to transmat over when I get back? It’s really fucking cold down there.”</p><p>“How long she been back?” Shin asked, annoyed.</p><p>“I assume recently. A transmat line was just pinged to our ship,” the Ghost said. “I assume you don’t want to go like that,” he looked at Shin in his armor. Titans always scoffed at Hunters who wore their armor all the time, even slept in it, and Wizards thought they were crazy being battle ready all the time and couldn’t just defend themselves with the Light. Hunters also rarely had someone get the drop on them when they were sleeping, unlike Titans who usually took their plate off, or Warlocks who didn’t rest with their weapons close by. Out of habit and comfort Shin always wore his armor, even alone in his own ship.</p><p>“Well it sort of defeats the purpose,” Shin said and Ghost at least obliged. When he appeared on Wolf’s ship he was down to his bottom thermal layer of clothes. Wolf was curled up on her lounge, miserable.</p><p>“Dickhead,” she grumbled when she saw him.</p><p>“What? I’m here aren’t I?” Shin huffed.</p><p>She sat up. “Knowing you I expcted you to be here before I even showed up.”</p><p>“Ah, someone only just told me you’d sent a message,” Shin sent his Ghost a dirty look.</p><p>Wolf scowled at the Ghost too. “I know you two aren’t on the best of terms, Ghost, but at least don’t screw me over just because Shin’s a piece of shit,” she said.</p><p>“I can still leave,” Shin growled.</p><p>“No you won’t,” she said without a shred of doubt. He was annoyed she was right. Seeing her icy pale skin and Light dim eyes was enough to make him stay.</p><p>He sat on the lounge and this time Wolf didn’t even complain. He grunted when she maybe purposefully elbowed him in the chest to get into his lap. As soon as she was there Wolf sighed contently. He almost expected her to start steaming she was so cold. “Thanks,” she sighed happily, leaning against his chest.</p><p>“Anytime,” he said, suddenly awkward. “How’s the rest of your fireteam?”</p><p>“Me and Cat have it the worst,” she said.</p><p>“Cat cold too?”</p><p>“Yeah. I feel bad for them.”</p><p>“But?”</p><p>“But not enough to share my personal Solar Light generator,” she snickered.</p><p>“Honestly I think they’d stab the both of us if you offered,” Shin chuckled.</p><p>“Oh, absolutely,” Wolf said. “Me first for suggesting it, then you so you wouldn’t get any ideas,” she giggled at the thought.</p><p>“What about the others? If you and Cat are the worst off?”</p><p>“Bear and Rat are just cranky all the time.” Yeah, Shin had noticed that when he’d first hailed them. “Lizard and Fox are hungry.” That was odd. “But not for food they keep saying. It’s hard for them to explain.”</p><p>“They crave power,” Shin said softly. “Pretty typical for Warlocks who heed the call of the Dark. There’s no satisfying that sort of hunger.”</p><p>“Shut up,” she grumbled. “It’ll pass. And so will this stupid chill. Once we can control it.” Shin didn’t say there was no controlling the Darkness. Not really. You could abide it, satisfy it but you could not control it. Every Guardian he’d seen lured by the Darkness had been under its control, not the other way around.</p><p>Instead he said, “I’ve not seen the Darkness affect Guardians like this before. Why are you so cold? Usually it burns. Don’t tell me it’s just Europa being a miserable ice ball.”</p><p>“Not Europa’s fault. Just fits the scene,” and she leaned away from him. He immediatly wanted to pull her close again. He started when she flicked her arm out and threw something. A glass shard bounced around the ship’s cabin, leaving behind shards and frozen spots on the walls. “We call it Stasis, it freezes things,” and she held up another of the things she’d thrown. It was literally a throwing star made of dark colored ice, the inside curling with Dark energy.</p><p>He used the excuse of wanting to grab it to pull her against him again. Then he took it from her hands. It almost immediately started melting in his grasp. “Huh, didn’t know it did that,” she said as the throwing star melted in Shin’s burning hand, the Darkness inside evaporating into a sooty smoke that hung in the air between them. She gave it a little breath to puff the smoke away and it dissipated.</p><p>“Well that’s why you’re so cold, you’ve got ice in your blood,” he rubbed her arms.</p><p>“Yeah. It’s a hell of a power too. You should see us use it. Heh. The Eliksni made a mistake trying to use it themselves. Storms come all the time on Europa. But a Stasis storm is different. It kills, every time, every one,” she frowned and sighed. Yeah, that was what Shin was worried about.</p><p>“What are you guys even doing down there?” Shin asked her, just to have something to talk about. He knew Wolf was always ready to complain about work. He wasn’t disappointed. There was a Fallen Kell who had gone mad taking the Darkness and wanted to use Stasis to her own ends, which probably involved attacking Earth at some point. And an army of Fallen all using Stasis was not okay. And there was also discovering the nature of Darkness and how to control it, how Bray in the Golden Age had used it and Vex milk to make the EXOs.</p><p>“Hold up, you’re telling me there’s a gigantic EXO head that’s a copy of Clovis Bray buried down there?” Shin asked, interrupting after over an hour.</p><p>“Yeah. And he’s an asshole,” she said. “As you can imagine.”</p><p>“But why just a big head? Why not a body?”</p><p>“Shin, if I knew that I’d be the smartest Hunter that ever lived. I have no idea. Ego? He is a megalomaniac. You’d hate him,” she snickered.</p><p>“You’ve only told me about him and I hate him,” Shin agreed. “Why are you helping him?”</p><p>“Because he has what we need. Elsie almost has everything worked out. With what he knows this whole cold on the inside bullshit should be taken care of.”</p><p>Shin still wasn’t sure Wolf and Glitterbomb could control the Darkness but he wasn’t going to say anything about it. If they could it’d be a miracle. And Glitterbomb was pretty good at creating miracles. Wolf was talking about Variks now, and how she was not happy to see him but he had his uses. Shin was only vaguely aware of Variks as the Queen’s old ‘pet Fallen’ who managed the Prison of Elders. At least, before they’d all broken out and it had ended in Cayde’s death. Variks had, wisely, stayed well away from interacting with Guardians after that. Shin didn’t know why Wolf just hadn’t shot Variks on sight. He and Cayde hadn’t been friends by any stretch of the imagination but if the facilitator of his Vanguard’s death had been in front of him, unable to defend himself, he’d have just put the old bug out of his misery. Of course, Wolf was too kind for that.</p><p>That was why he liked her.</p><p>“Wolf,” her Ghost interrupted her telling Shin about what the Bray facilities looked like. “You’re getting a message,” he glanced at Shin. “Over private channels.”</p><p>Wolf sighed. “Right,” and picked herself out of Shin’s lap. Shin was annoyed by that. She could have stayed there and took the call. Instead she wandered into the cockpit and he heard her voice indistinctly.</p><p>“What?” Shin asked his Ghost who was staring at him, floating perfectly still a few feet away. His Ghost said nothing and floated away.</p><p>Wolf came back into the rear of the ship, her Ghost transmatting her armor onto her with each step. “I’m needed planetside. I don’t know how long I’ll be so could you get out,” she said.</p><p>“What are you doing?”</p><p>“We got a lock on Eramis. Probably the only one we’re going to have for a while,” she looked at her cloaks hanging on the side of her ship before pointing at the one she wanted. “I’d feel weird if you were here the entire time.” The cloak appeared on her. Shin was vaguely annoyed. How’d she look like she could blow your head off and also fashionable all the time? He knew she owned more gear than he’d might have ever seen in his life but that wasn’t the point!</p><p>“Would you rather I lie and say I show up just before you come back?” Shin asked, leaning back on one arm on the lounge.</p><p>“I’ll send a message over when I’m back again. Now please, just leave and don’t make me throw you out.”</p><p>“Fine,” he sighed. “And here I thought we were friends and you weren’t just into me for my Light,” he acted upset.</p><p>“We are friends. I am also just into you for your Light,” she said. He chuckled and his Ghost transmatted him back to his ship.</p><p>His Ghost drifted around the ship but wasn’t talking to him. “Make sure you send me her message as soon as it comes through,” he told the Ghost sternly.</p><p>“I will. Not for you, though.”</p><p>“Whatever,” Shin went and found some food rations before going and laying on his bed. Unlike Wolf his ship actually had a bed. He didn’t use it much for sleeping but it was nice to lay down somewhere soft, safe, and not always on whatever flat rock he could find out in the wilderness.</p><p>He pulled a screen out and let something on it play. He didn’t even care what. Just so he wasn’t in the silence of his own thoughts.</p><p>The creeping doubt still came though. That this wasn’t under control. That the Darkness would get to them, get to Wolf. He wasn’t sure he or humanity could survive the Darkness getting to Wolf. You didn’t earn the names Wolf did without good reason. Sure with a fireteam but everyone on Glitterbomb was always the first to tell anyone that Wolf was the leader and if not for her they’d all be real deathed by now. They just facilitated in her legend. But no one ever talked about Rigel-4 or Maximus or Calliope, Glitterbomb’s real names. They only talked about Saladin’s Young Wolf: Bane of Oryx, Slayer of Crota, Killer of Kells, Dragonslayer, Shadow of Calus, and thorn in the side of everything that went bump in the Dark. There had been other great Guardians, famous ones even, Shin was one of them. But they had only one or two claims to fame, often times such a claim ended in their deaths. Wolf was the only one Shin could think of in the long history of Guardians that had so many and was still alive.</p><p>It was like the Traveler had been looking for a Champion to really change things. And it had found Wolf.</p><p>He didn’t want to think about what a Champion of the Light would look like if she fell to the Darkness. A monster? Another Rezyl Azzir? Shin wasn’t sure humanity could handle another Yor, one probably more powerful.</p><p>It was enough to keep him from sleeping the entire time he’d been here.</p><p>He tried to focus on something else. Anything else. He ended up getting up and pacing, distracting his mind with his moving feet. “What’s the matter now?” Jaren’s Ghost asked.</p><p>“You think Wolf’s going to be okay? With this whole Stasis thing?”</p><p>“We both know that if anyone can handle it it’s Wolf and Glitterbomb. She’s a young Guardian but more capable than any other I’ve seen.” It wasn’t a dig at Shin so much as glowing praise for Wolf. “Maybe have a little faith in your fellow Guardians, for once, that they won’t always be lost to the Darkness.” Shin didn’t respond to that, he just kept pacing. “You aren’t unique in the world, Shin, or to the Light.”</p><p>“Except every interaction I’ve had proves otherwise,” he said softly. “Every Lightbearer has been tempted by Darkness.”</p><p>“Wolf’s been tempted by the Darkness since she was risen and has never once shown signs that other Shadows have. How easy would it have been to never come out of the Vault, claim Oryx’s throne realm as her own, take a wish from Riven? And yet she never did. I don’t know why this is different. Glitterbomb stares into the abyss for fun and calls it names that would make your mother rise from the dead just to scold them for,” that made Shin smile, just a little. His mama sure as shit hadn’t liked the language he’d learned from Jaren.</p><p>He stopped pacing. “Then why can’t I stop worrying about it? As much as I hate it, your logic is sound. I want to believe you.”</p><p>His Ghost gave him a look. “Because you care, idiot,” he said. “It is typical for humans to care for one another when they think someone they have feelings for is in danger-</p><p>“Hey. Don’t be saying shit like that,” Shin said. “Wolf is my friend, that’s all.”</p><p>“Of course,” and the bastard didn’t sound like he believed that at all. Shin wasn’t sure how much he did either honestly. “But humans can have strong platonic feelings too. It’s just been far too long since you had anyone you gave a shit if they lived or died.”</p><p>“It has been,” he hated to admit it but it was true. The last friend he’d really had that he hadn’t personally killed was Shiro-2. But Shiro-3 wasn’t the same. He hadn’t wanted to be friends with Shiro-3. That had been a few centuries ago.</p><p>He just kept pacing for a while more, his thoughts twisting themselves into knots. “Maybe you’d relax if you just shot yourself,” his Ghost said after he’d paced for a good hour.</p><p>“Heh, and knowing you you’d take your sweet ass time bringing me back.”</p><p>“If you didn’t want to come I’d just ask Wolf to come offer some of her power-</p><p>“Like she’s got the Light to spare,” he scoffed.</p><p>“No. But she’s got plenty of Darkness.”</p><p>Shin stopped his pacing. “You just bring me back when she sends a message,” he said.</p><p>“Ah, so you are going to do it? Didn’t think you’d find the idea good,” his Ghost sounded genuinely surprised.</p><p>“Worrying about it isn’t helping me any. So whatever. It’ll pass the time too.” And without another word he drew the Last Word from his hip, with a twirl out of habit he pointed it up and pulled the trigger.</p><p>Temporary death was a bliss sometimes.</p><p>He felt the pull of the Light on his soul. But it was vague, distant, unconcerning to a wandering paracausial mind. Usually a Ghost anchored the mind of their dead Lightbearer to a spot. It was harder when there was more than the Light.</p><p>When he came to with a sharp gasp he remembered the vision he’d had in the fleeting seconds before he’d been revived. He rubbed his chin where he’d shot himself but as usual it was unblemished.</p><p>He’d been standing on the surface of Europa in front of the Pyramid. A furious ice storm was whipping around but it passed him by. A vent on the Pyramid opened and out poured inviting warm light. At first he thought he was supposed to go to it. But instead a familiar figure had stepped out and in their hand was the Thorn. They’d shot him, right in the forehead. She always had a perfect shot.</p><p>Then his Ghost had brought him back.</p><p>“How long you leave me like that?” Shin asked as he got to his feet, picking up the Last Word as he did.</p><p>“It’s been thirteen hours,” the Ghost said. “Wolf just sent a correspondence that she requests your presence on her ship.”</p><p>“How polite, a request,” he checked Thorn where it was hanging off another holster he didn’t keep on his person all the time. When he touched it it hummed in his grip and he heard the whispers immediatly. It had to be the proximity to the Pyramid, usually it slept, he kept it well fed. He ignored the whispers and checked the ammo in the cylinder. He swallowed.</p><p>It was missing one bullet.</p><p>He reached up and touched his forehead. It was unblemished, the skin smooth as it always was.</p><p>“Shall we go, or?” his Ghost trailed off when Shin didn’t immediatly put the gun down.</p><p>“Make sure you keep my weapons fully loaded, Ghost. I can’t have them ever running out in case I need them,” he snapped the cylinder out and held his hand out. Ghost sighed and created one of the huge dagger bullets in Shin’s hand. He put it in the empty slot and knocked the cylinder closed, putting the Thorn back into the holster hanging off the peg.</p><p>“Shall we go, or what?” the Ghost was starting to get annoyed.</p><p>“Yeah. I suppose I kept Wolf waiting enough,” and he frowned at the Thorn even as his Ghost transmatted him to Wolf’s ship.</p><p>He was surprised when he found her armor laid out on the floor. Chunks of ice were stuck to it. Wolf had already crawled under four blankets on her lounge. He couldn’t even see her but he knew she was there by the subtle trembling.</p><p>“Hey, sorry I took a minute. I was so bored waiting for you I shot myself,” he said, light hearted. Her face appeared from the blankets. “Wow, you look like shit,” and he held her face between his hands.</p><p>“Almost done,” she sighed even as she leaned into the warmth of his hands.</p><p>“You get Eramis?”</p><p>“Yeah. But now her last lackey is causing us grief. She flew under our radar. Now she wants to somehow thaw Eramis. I don’t think that’s even possible.”</p><p>“Sit up some,” and Wolf did. Shin made himself comfortable and a few seconds later he found himself with a lap full of a shivering Wolf. He just held her close, rubbing her arms, the top of her thighs, to work a bit more warmth into her ice cold limbs. “So, what? One more big bad bug to kill and you’re off the hook?”</p><p>“I doubt it’ll be that easy, but yes,” she nodded. “We hope. I’m concerned about the Deep Stone Crypt.”</p><p>“What about it?” Shin knew enough about that to know it was not something he needed to know anything about other than EXOs came from there.</p><p>“It’s active,” she sighed. “That can’t be good. We’ve tried asking Clovis but he won’t answer us. But something is happening there and it won’t really be over until we figure out what’s going on in there.”</p><p>“I’m sure you’ll figure it out,” Shin said. Wolf just made a tired noise and leaned against his chest.</p><p>“Ghost,” she called softly. Her Ghost appeared immediatly. “Put something on.”</p><p>“Oh, sure,” but he seemed flustered, his shell spinning quickly. Then after a moment his shell expanded and music started playing. It wasn’t a song Shin knew but it wasn’t the depressing music the City produced either. Shin guessed her Ghost usually wasn’t allowed to pick the music.</p><p>“Hey, Shin, do me a favor? Open that locker there and grab whatever’s in there,” she pointed to a small door on the wall.</p><p>“Hmm?” But he did, reaching over. Inside were some ration packs. “When was the last time you ate?”</p><p>“I don’t remember,” she sighed and made a small grabbing motion for them. It was cute. It shouldn’t have been. He handed her the ration packs which were basically high protein and fiber bars that didn’t taste like garbage. Shin had some on his ship too when his usual rations ran out. That concerned him. Had Wolf not planned well enough to have enough food rations she was going for these? It might also be she was exhausted and couldn’t keep anything else down. He’d been there too. Especially when the fire acted up.</p><p>“And when was the last time you slept?” Shin asked as she was finishing the last ration bar, all the wrapping discarded on the ground like her armor.</p><p>He felt his ears heat up when she looked up at him and said, “The first time you came over.”</p><p>He cleared his throat before saying, “That was a few days ago. You should try and get some more sleep. That’s a while even for a Hunter.”</p><p>“Yeah,” she sighed, not looking at him, her head on the meat of his shoulder. “Been too busy to think about sleeping.”</p><p>“If the Deep Stone Crypt is active you’ll need your wits about you,” he prodded. “Nap at least,” he shrugged.</p><p>“Probably a good idea,” she muttered to herself.</p><p>“I’m not going anywhere,” Shin added helpfully. “So you won’t get cold at least.”</p><p>“Hmmm, yeah. Ghost, play something quieter,” she said.</p><p>“You got it,” and after a moment started playing some soft instrumental music. Now that was City music. You could tell by the weird instrument combinations that actually sounded pretty good, and the electronic dissonance in the entire song.</p><p>Wolf just didn’t pass out like the first time but she was trying to get to sleep. Was always harder for Hunters to get to sleep. It was the worst thing about being a Hunter. Shin rubbed her back with his exposed hand, flushing it with warm Light to actually get down deep into her core and thaw some of that Stasis ice.</p><p>Eventually he felt Wolf go limp against him. Good, she was getting some sleep. Who knew how long but it was better than nothing.</p><p>“Shin,” her Ghost said, stopping the music.</p><p>“Hmm?” he looked over at the Ghost. He still thought it was weird her Ghost would talk to him. But then his Ghost barely talked to him, let alone anyone else. Maybe his Ghost was the weirdo.</p><p>“I know she won’t say it but she really does appreciate you helping her like this,” he said. “Thank you for coming and checking on her from Earth. Not many other Guardians would do that. They’d just expect us to know what we’re doing all the time and doing the right thing.”</p><p>Shin stared at her Ghost. “It’s not a big deal,” he tried to wave it off, uncomfortable by the praise like he wasn’t selfish for coming out here. Thinking he knew better.</p><p>“Even if you think that know it means a lot to her, to us,” he nodded. “But I didn’t tell you any of this,” the Ghost added quickly.</p><p>“Heh, yeah, I get it.” Wolf didn’t want to admit to the weakness of needing someone like this. At least not aloud. Shin would have rather had all his teeth pulled out again then admit to something like that so he got it. “You can put the music back on,” he added.</p><p>“Oh- right, of course,” her Ghost was easily flustered when he was allowed to pick the music. It was cute. Usually Ghosts reflected their Lightbearers in some way. Did that mean Wolf got flustered about some innocuous thing too? He bet it was so cute.</p><p>The music was soothing and Shin felt weirdly cool. Not cold. But he had been burning hotter on purpose to help keep Wolf warm. Maybe he was burning too much Light so far from the sun and the Traveler and the Darkness was self replicating, always needing more warmth, more Light to beat it back. He shrugged his shoulders and ignored how it was like Wolf’s Stasis was sucking the Light right out of him. But he always slept better when he was cold, once just passing out while waiting for a mark in a snow drift.</p><p>He ended up nodding off himself after a while, still keeping his arms around Wolf.</p><p>He didn’t really remember the dream when he woke up. But it made him wake with a start. He remembered a burning sky with the Pyramid’s pinnacle a harsh line in the background. He remembered the sound of Wolf’s voice, furious with him. He didn’t remember what she was saying but she had his Thorn. She’d shot him again.</p><p>He shook his head to get rid of the dream. Fucking dream. He had leaned back in his sleep and was in a super uncomfortable postition to be leaning against the wall. He’d pulled Wolf with him and she was shivering so hard he wasn’t sure she wasn’t going to break her teeth.</p><p>But also what the fuck? How was Wolf cold?</p><p>He lifted his hand and pushed his power through it. “Fuck,” he swore softly when instead of warm Solar Light that made his hand glow instead a hideous black green flame sprung up between his fingers, curling around his skin. He quickly snuffed it out but not quick enough for the two Ghosts watching them not to have not seen. His Ghost didn’t look surprised, her Ghost did.</p><p>He reached for the Light. It was buried deeper than usual. Even his Light was faded from burning so bright and such close proximity to a Dark entity like the Pyramid, like Wolf. But it came after a few seconds, his hand glowed dully. He ignored the Ghosts, sat up, and put his hand on Wolf’s face. After a few seconds her teeth stopped chattering. How long had he been out of Light like that that she’d gotten so cold?</p><p>“Has he always done that?” Wolf’s Ghost finally broke the uncomfortable silence of Shin and the Ghosts.</p><p>He was genuinely surprised his Ghost answered. Normally his Ghost spoke to no one, not even other Ghosts. “Not always but long enough,” he said it staring at Shin.</p><p>“You keep your collective mouths shut,” Shin said.</p><p>Her Ghost looked at him, “You’re a hypocrite,” and it was damning. He looked away.</p><p>He was.</p><p>Neither Ghost said anything more. That was all that needed to be said. He felt Wolf’s Ghost wasn’t so appreciative of him now. Damn.</p><p>Wolf was warmed up again and sleeping without shivering when a message beep came from the cockpit. He glanced at her Ghost. “She’s still sleeping,” he said.</p><p>“It’s probably important,” the Ghost said, his voice no longer cheerful when he talked to Shin. Damn it all. He didn’t doubt for a moment as soon as he wasn’t around Ghost was going to tell Wolf. Normally when another Ghost saw or knew he just shot it and either dealt with the Lightbearer or they were so out of it from the sudden disconnect from the Light they weren’t an issue and he just left them to wander as an immortal without the Light.</p><p>But he couldn’t just shoot Wolf’s Ghost.</p><p>He’d heard of other Ghosts bonding with new Guardians if theirs was real deathed or their bodies somehow were unrecoverable. He’d never heard of a Guardian getting a new Ghost when theirs was killed.</p><p>He carefully untangled himself from Wolf and laid her on her lounge. She’d be warm enough for a few minutes. He went to the cockpit and accepted the message manuall. Behind him her Ghost was aghast he’d do something like that. “What’s going on?” Shin asked.</p><p>“Oh finally I wa- who is this? Where’s Wolf?” It was one of the Warlocks on Glitterbomb, Fox, or if you used her real name, Amelia.</p><p>“Sleeping. What do you want?”</p><p>“Well wake her up. This is important.”</p><p>“I ain’t doing that,” Shin said.</p><p>“What’s the matter, Fox?” Shin started when Wolf’s voice sounded behind him. She looked like slightly warmed up death.</p><p>“Oh! Wolf, thank goodness. Bear told me to get in contact with you. We found the Priestess,” she said.</p><p>“Can you handle it?”</p><p>“If it’s going to be like Eramis Bear wanted you to rotate out with Cat, they’re blistered.”</p><p>Wolf sighed. “They okay?”</p><p>“Yeah. For now.”</p><p>Wolf looked so tired. He bet they were all tired. Running ops and missions all alone on this ice world for weeks. It was a lot to ask of six Guardians, even Glitterbomb. Usually if a group was sent to monitor a planet is was a bigger one, a Host or something. A six man fireteam was a lot to ask.</p><p>Shin pressed the mute button. “You don’t need to be there for every hunt,” he said.</p><p>“If Glittterbomb’s asking for me they think they need me,” she said.</p><p>“They’re just as competent as you. You know that. Let someone else be the priestess slayer. You need more rest,” he said sternly.</p><p>Wolf unmuted their line. “Call Lizard, he’s been acting up. Needs to blow off some energy.”</p><p>“Lizard’s running ops in a Bray facility,” Fox said.</p><p>“Rat then?” That was the only other option.</p><p>“You know Bear and Rat aren’t getting along right now,” Fox said.</p><p>“They’re both grown. I’m still recovering from the Eramis fight.” And the everything else.</p><p>Fox was quiet for a bit. “Bear’s calling Lizard back in from the Bray facilities,” she eventually said.</p><p>“Good. When you finish off Eramis’ last thorn in our side I want everyone to take twelve hours to recoup before we deal with the Deep Stone Crypt. No use running ourselves ragged,” Wolf said.</p><p>Fox said nothing for a second. “Okay. Lizard’s going to need you to say that to his face, you know he can’t sit still.”</p><p>“I will,” she said.</p><p>“I’ll report back in when she’s been dealt with.”</p><p>“Good luck,” Wolf said and severed the line.</p><p>“You did the right thing,” Shin said as Wolf rubbed her arms. “None of you are in any condition to keep doing this. You’re running yourselves into the ground.’</p><p>“We just want it to be over,” and she wandered back into the cabin of her ship. She collected her gear and dumped it onto a pile by one of the mannequins before curling up on her lounge.</p><p>Shin gave her Ghost a hard look as he followed after. He wasn’t going to shame Shin right now but Shin knew he’d been hoping for them to leave the ship. He sat on the lounge but Wolf didn’t move. When he looked he saw she was already asleep again. Well at least that was something, both for himself and for Wolf. He just laid his dimly glowing hand on her cheek while she slept, hopefully that’d keep her warm enough.</p><p>He was left in the silence of his own thoughts for a few hours while she slept. He couldn’t sleep himself and he didn’t want to interact with either Ghost to ask them for some music or something to break the silence. Luckily he was used to the silence.</p><p>Wolf woke up a while later, sat up, looked around blearily. “How long was I asleep for?”</p><p>“A while,” Shin said.</p><p>She yawned and stretched. He didn’t keep his eyes to himself as she did. She didn’t notice. “Did I imagine telling Fox to just kill Eramis’ last council member?”</p><p>“No. You actually did that,” he said.</p><p>“Oh good. Ghost,” Shin was not a bit jealous of how quickly and dutifully it came over. “Patch me through to Cat and Rat,” she leaned against her thigh.</p><p>“Of course,” and he expanded as the comm link went through. Shin leaned back against the wall as Wolf checked in with her fireteam. First the two who’d been out of the fight. Cat sounded like Wolf had before Shin had showed up, miserable, teeth chattering. Rat just sounded mad. Then she messaged the three who’d dealt with the last bug. Fox and Lizard would not shut the fuck up about some sort of Shard they’d found until Bear had boomed over them both to actually answer Wolf’s questions.</p><p>“Elsie says this should be the final shard,” Bear said. “But Fox said you were sleeping so we had to wait. The Ziggurat only likes you.” Ziggurat? What Ziggurat?</p><p>“I’m so sorry I’m the Light and the Dark’s favorite,” Wolf said sarcastically.</p><p>“Yeah, life’s so hard for Wolf being the center of attention,” Lizard said.</p><p>“Someone pry Cat out of their ship. We’ll meet up at Elsie’s LZ and see if we can’t finish this shit up.” There was a collective cheering from the other comms.</p><p>The Ghost became normal again. “So that’s all there is on Europa?” Shin asked.</p><p>“Doubtful,” Wolf got up, stretched again. Shin’s eyes followed the curve of her spine. “But hopefully I won’t need to leech off your Light to stay warm with this.”</p><p>“It’s no big deal,” Shin shrugged. He hadn’t minded. He’d kinda liked it honestly.</p><p>“If it’s the final piece of Stasis then that just leaves us to find and investigate the Deep Stone Crypt,” Wolf said as her Ghost transmatted her European gear onto her. The ice had long since melted off by now. “And when I send in my report to Zavala he won’t be too moody we disobeyed direct orders.”</p><p>“And took on a Darkness power,” Shin said casually. Her Ghost gave him a dirty look from over her shoulder. She missed it.</p><p>“He’ll live with it. He always does,” and she pulled on her helmet herself and yanked up the warm looking cloak hood.</p><p>“I assume I need to fuck off?”</p><p>She looked him over in her helmet. “You can stay if you want. I don’t know how long I’ll be. I’ll message you if it’s going to be a while. Don’t wait up,” and she transmatted out.</p><p>As soon as the last little glitter of light was gone Shin leaned over his knees and put his face in his hands. “Fuuuuck,” he groaned. Then not even looking he pointed at his Ghost, “Don’t you say shit.”</p><p>He didn’t know how he was going to come up with an explaination or an excuse for his fire. Sometimes when you got too close to the Dark, even when you were doing the right thing, trying to do the right thing, it still got in. He didn’t doubt as soon as there was a moment to do so Wolf’s Ghost was going to instantly snitch on him.</p><p>“You could just tell her yourself,” his Ghost said.</p><p>“Stop reading my mind,” Shin snarled.</p><p>“I didn’t. You’re just transparent,” Ghost said. “At least then you’d be in control of the situation, for once.”</p><p>Shin didn’t respond to him. He just wanted to wallow in his own misery for a little while. He was an old ass Guardian, he could fucking wallow if he wanted to.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. This girl, this beautiful girl, with eyes the size of the ocean.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>I'd fucking die for Glitterbomb okay? Like they're EXACTLY how I expect young Guardians to act. The oldest, Bear, is only like 70, which by Guardian standards is pretty young. Wolf is still the babu tho uwu</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Wolf wasn’t gone long. An hour or two. He finally picked his face up out of his hands when she transmatted in. He pulled himself together. “How’d it go?”</p><p>Her Ghost transmatted some of her armor off and she tugged off a glove. “How do I feel?” Wolf offered him her hand. He took it. It was cool but not cold. Then as he held it it warmed up naturally, not artifically from Shin shining his Light at her. She was smiling.</p><p>“You feel... fine,” he said, amazed. He hadn’t believed her when she said it’d be over soon, that the freezing cold would pass.</p><p>“Yeah,” she said brightly. “And, though this is hard,” she winced and after a second a spark of Arc light arced off the back of her hand. “Haven’t touched the Light like that in weeks,” she was happy. He’d seen Wolf happy before. A post raid high happy before. Or a strong comeback win after a losing crucible or gambit game happy before. It was nothing compared to how glad she looked to be able to hold the Light in her hand again. “Not enough Light out here to keep it going though,” and he was still holding her hand and could feel her hand get cool again as she alllowed Stasis to take hold again.</p><p>“I take it Cat’s over the moon?”</p><p>“I’ve never seen that bugger smile in my life. Heh, they started making snow angels, flashed out the last of their Solar Light to almost burn a hole through the ice,” she laughed.</p><p>“So, what now?”</p><p>“Taking a respite. Still have to investigate the Crypt. Elsie’s going to get a location for us. But we need to recoup. We’re going to go to the other side of the Reef briefly and recharge on Light. We might need it for whatever’s in the Crypt.”</p><p>“I’ll probably join you on that. You sucked all the Light out of me,” he fake complained. She just laughed again. She had such a good laugh. “But I don’t need to be your personal Solar Light generator now huh?”</p><p>“Nope. Thanks for that,” she added.</p><p>“I was glad to help,” he squeezed her warm hand.</p><p>“You can stay aboard if you want while we jump across the Reef, since you also need the juice.”</p><p>“Yes,” he said quickly. Absolutely could not leave Wolf alone with her Ghost. He hadn’t said anything yet. Probably hadn’t wanted to ruin the mood of a bunch of excited Guardians celebrating being able to use the Light again and not be affected by Stasis like they had been.</p><p>“Sounds good,” then she looked down. “I can’t go turn the ship around with you holding onto me,” she teased him.</p><p>“O-oh, sorry,” and he quickly let go of her hand, feeling stupid. She just smiled and went to the cockpit. He heard her talking to Glitterbomb.</p><p>“You want to stay like that?” Shin’s Ghost asked him. “Since she doesn’t need you anymore.” He hated the way that bastard said it like that.</p><p>“Yeah, probably,” he shrugged. Before they were out of range. His limbs shimmered as his Ghost transmatted his well worn and comfortable gear onto him, except his helmet which appeared next to him on the lounge. That was better. Not a moment too soon too as the next moment Wolf had spun her ship around and engaged the NLS drive. Inside the ship he didn’t even notice the sudden acceleration. He didn’t question why physics didn’t work right inside Guardians’ ships.</p><p>A few minutes later the NLS drive wound down and they were on the other side of the Reef in the empty space between it and Mars’ orbit. This close to Earth he could feel the Light. “Mars is at a different location so the Pyramids there shouldn’t affect us so much,” Wolf said as she came out of the cockpit.</p><p>“Good. Why are you wearing your helmet?” As he said that there was a banging on the roof of the ship. He couldn’t hear Wolf’s sigh but did see it in the movement of her shoulders. “Uh... what’s that?”</p><p>“Glitterbomb. You can stay here if you want though,” she added and went to the back of the ship where the airlock was. What? He turned as she opened the airlock and stepped inside.</p><p>“What the fuck?” Shin asked himself. He looked up at more banging on the top of the ship. That was Glitterbomb? What the fuck were they doing?</p><p>The airlock hissed and Shin was in time to see Wolf jump out into empty space. “What the fuck,” he said again, louder this time. The banging stopped. He went to the cockpit to look out the window and looked up. Wolf’s cockpit window had enough room to see above it. And he saw all members of Glitterbomb standing on the top of Wolf’s ship.</p><p>Wolf appeared amid their number and Bear grabbed her, pulling her down onto the ship’s roof where her boots magnetized.</p><p>What in the name of Light and Dark were these idiots doing?</p><p>“Perhaps post mission release?” Shin’s Ghost said, startling him so bad he banged his head into part of the top of the cockpit. “They do get access to more light out of their ships.” As if on cue Bear created a flaming maul and Shin’s eyes got huge when he used it to punt one of the Warlocks off the ship’s roof like a golf club. He couldn’t hear them but the rest of Glitterbomb cheered, arms up, as the Warlock skipped across two ships before landing lightly on a third ship’s roof.</p><p>“I swear young Guardians get weirder by the year,” he said. He didn’t remember ever doing shit like this.</p><p>He also had no friends.</p><p>“It looks like they’re having fun,” his Ghost said idly as Bear putted Cat off the roof as the Warlock skipped back across the ships.</p><p>“It’s super dangerous.”</p><p>“It’s Glitterbomb, I think they’ve done more dangerous stuff than this,” his Ghost said. Shin just kept watching. “Wolf did say you could join in if you wanted,” he prodded.</p><p>“Would probably be awkward. I’m not part of the team.”</p><p>“So? You’re a Guardian. Heh. You’ve spent too little time at the Tower.”</p><p>“What’s that supposed to mean?” Shin snapped.</p><p>“Guardians just hang out with each other,” his Ghost said. “And I’m sure they all know you were helping Wolf. She tells them everything.” Shit. Yeah. She probably did.</p><p>He went and grabbed his helmet, pulling it on. If his Ghost was pleased he didn’t notice. He reset the airlock so it’d open on his end. When it did he stepped in and sealed his helmet, the rest of his armor constricting along an under layer to pressurize so his blood didn’t try to escape out of his nose. That had been a fun way to die the first time. He didn’t do repeat performances of that one.</p><p>A light on the airlock flashed, indicating the cabin was sealed against the vacuum. He opened the space side of the airlock and was pulled out with the rush of air leaving the airlock. He grabbed the bar at the edge to not go flying into space.</p><p>His Ghost patched him through to the fireteam comms. It was impossible to listen to. They were all talking over each other. He did hear a, “My turn, Bear,” from Wolf just before Bear swung his huge maul and jettisoned her out over the flotilla of their ships. She laughed the entire way. Despite their size Guardians didn’t obey standard physics, they had a higher sense of gravity even in open space and so were pulled towards the nearest object even in a frictionless vacuum. That was why Shin floated down after pulling himself up from the side of the ship.</p><p>He went unnoticed for a minute or so as Wolf jumped back across the flotilla. He was just getting his bearings. He hadn’t been in a group of Guardians like this in a very long time. Not since Vale.</p><p>“I told you he’d show up. You guys can do that skeet shooting thing now,” Wolf’s voice made it through the cacophony of Glitterbomb’s voices.</p><p>Shin felt very out of place when the rest of Glitterbomb all turned and looked at him. “Hey!” Bear cried, happy to see him. Shin relaxed a little. Okay. Not awkward. Good. “You want a go?”</p><p>“I’ll pass,” he said, he didn’t fancy getting hit by a guy like Bear, even lightly.</p><p>“He does. He’s just being stubborn about it,” and Wolf dragged him over to the group. Shin felt at once in over his head.</p><p>He then found himself between two very cheerful Titans. Bear had his arm around his shoulder and Rat not letting him wriggle his way out of it, “I’ll be gentle since is your first time, Malphur,” he said. Traveler’s Light what had he gotten himself into?</p><p>“Yeah, he’s delicate,” Wolf laughed.</p><p>“Well if he doesn’t want to go I want to go again,” Lizard proclaimed.</p><p>“Bah, fine,” and Bear let him go to whack Lizard across the flotilla.</p><p>“I assume you’ve got a shot that holds up to the stories, huh?” Cat sidled up next to him, waving Rat off who saw he was no fun at all. Yeah. That wasn’t really his thing. Fun. Sounded awful.</p><p>“Lots of stories, who can say,” he shrugged.</p><p>“Want to see who’s better?” Cat asked in a jeering voice. “That’ll be a story. Outshooting Shin Malphur.”</p><p>Now that sounded interesting. He knew Wolf didn’t have Guardians on her fireteam who couldn’t pull their own weight. “Sure. What are we shooting?”</p><p>“Bear,” Cat turned away from him and knocked on his huge shoulder. “He said yes. Put that stupid maul away.”</p><p>He looked at Wolf who was just watching, her body language amused. “What’d I get into?” Shin asked her.</p><p>“Oh you’re fucked dude,” she said, giggling.</p><p>“Alright alright, chill out there Kitty Cat,” Bear said to Cat’s obnoxious badgering. The maul evaporated into glowing dust and he rolled his shoulders. “My throwing arm might not be that good after all that ice bullshit.”</p><p>“Yeah, old man threw his shoulder out blowing up too many Stasis shards,” Fox jeered.</p><p>Shin had never seen a Guardian go through such a rapid transition. Bear immediatly had a Hammer of Sol in his hand. What the fuck? How did they do that? He thought just Wolf was the freak of Light who could do that.</p><p>Cat came back over to him. “Bear’s going to throw, and you just gotta hit more than me,” they said smugly.</p><p>“Okay, shouldn’t be too hard. I assume Cats first?”</p><p>“Hmph, damn right,” and they settled back into a bowman’s stance. “Ready Bear,” they said and pulled back on something invisible, arm out. Shin had never touched Void Light, it didn’t click with him. They plucked a bow string out of empty space, a bow grip shimmering into view in their previously empty fist, the limbs turning into starlight at the ends. As the barely corporeal string grew taught an arrow of pure Void Light appeared, knocked, ready to fire.</p><p>Bear chucked the Hammer out into open space, away from their ships as hard as he could. Cat released and the arrow flew right at it. Bear was already throwing another Hammer by the time the first one exploded in a delightful display not unlike fireworks. Another arrow found its mark. Bear was throwing as fast and hard as he could to trip Cat up. Each connection of a Void arrow to a Solar hammer was met with great whooping approval over comms by the rest of Glitterbomb.</p><p>Then Bear ran out of Light to form constructs. “Okay Kitty Cat, you showed off enough,” he was slightly winded.</p><p>Cat’s helmet whipped around to look at Shin. “I got them all, can you do better?” they asked, smug.</p><p>“Possibly,” he said as he had the dawning realization he hadn’t brought any of his guns with him. This was a show of Light power only. Awkward. Usually he only used his Golden Gun to shoot Ghosts. He had a feeling Glitterbomb knew that too because they were all looking at him expectantly. They wanted to see him shoot the Golden Gun. “Do I have to shoot them one at a time or what?”</p><p>“Just shoot them,” Cat said, not understanding what he meant.</p><p>“Okay,” he said slowly. “I guess whenever you’re ready, Bear,” he couldn’t really get out of it. And this close to Earth and the sun he was once more flush with Solar Light. The unobstructed access to the sun without atmosphere or buildings in the way really was a rush to the system for your Light.</p><p>“You got it, Malphur,” and Bear created another Hammer of Sol. He threw it hard and fast but still a Hammer was a slow projectile compared to an arrow, or a bullet. He didn’t pull the Solar Light together until there were a few Hammers already flying through the void.</p><p>Then with a snap it was in his hand. He fan fired it like the Last Word from his hip and hit every Hammer in quick succession where they exploded in an even more incredible fireball than when Cat had shot them thanks to them both being made of Solar Light. Then he twirled it around his finger smugly and the Golden Gun turned into sparks. Only then did he notice that everyone was just yelling excitedly over comms. It was hard for him to parse out exactly what they were saying but he was pretty sure that was some of the coolest shit any of them had seen in a while.</p><p>Shin felt himself smile. He could get used to people cheering when he fired his Gun instead of screaming.</p><p>—</p><p>It had to have been an entire Earth day before Glitterbomb finally stopped fucking around with their Light atop their ships. Shin only guessed that because of how hungry he was. The Light was great but it couldn’t give you a full belly. That was the only reason they stopped and the Titans and Warlocks complained they needed to sleep. Of course, none of the Hunters mentioned needing to sleep.</p><p>Shin followed Wolf back into the airlock on her ship. He was glad when he could take his helmet off. “Your friends are wild,” he said as the inner door opened.</p><p>She laughed. “Yeah. They go all in when it’s fuck around time. You shoulda seen ‘em after we killed Oryx.” Wolf said it so casually like it was so common place for a fireteam to just kill a Hive god. Though for Glitterbomb he supposed it was commonplace. “I’m starving. You hungry?”</p><p>“I could eat,” he allowed.</p><p>Wolf pulled a fold down table from the wall. He’d never noticed it before. “There are chairs in the wall there,” she indicated but had gone to another part of the ship, opening lockers. Shin pulled out two of the collapsible chairs. Shin sat, feeling out of place again. He shouldn’t at this rate. He’d hung out on her lounge bed for days at a time. That was wayyy more awkward and intimate than just sitting at a table. But somehow it was.</p><p>Wolf came back with two bowls and utensils, a few freeze dried packets of food, and a thermal protected kettle of hot water. “Pick what you want,” she said, sitting down herself. She picked up the one she wanted and dumped it into the bowl before pouring boiling water over it. Shin looked them over, he was a picky eater. “There’s two vegetarian ones in there,” she said helpfully.</p><p>“Thanks,” he said, finding one that claimed it was ratatouille. And he was the Cabal Emperor. He eased it into the bowl to try and maintain some integrity of the dish and added some water. Wolf was just waiting for her food to constitute as edible again, doing something on a holo projection that came from the table itself.</p><p>“So what are you doing next?”</p><p>“Start my report for Zavala while Glitterbomb gets some sleep so I don’t have to worry about it later. Cat was about to pass out, surprised they didn’t float away.”</p><p>“They seemed fine,” Shin said and tried the ratatouille. It wasn’t bad. Utterly flavorless though.</p><p>“They haven’t slept in a week. Too cold,” she said casually. “I need to send a message to Elsie about the Crypt, see if she found it. If she did we’ll investigate. If not we’ll help her search.”</p><p>“Who’s Elsie? Seventh member of Glitterbomb?” Shin asked in a tease.</p><p>“No,” she paused in thought a moment. Then she looked at Shin, “You ever hear of the EXO Stranger?”</p><p>“As a story, yeah. Never seen them myself.”</p><p>“She’s a inter-dimensional time shifting EXO from a different timeline. One where the Darkness won,” Wolf said like the sudden news didn’t make Shin try to breathe and swallow at the same time. He coughed, hard, to not choke.</p><p>“She’s what?”</p><p>“Yeah, it’s pretty crazy. She’s an original EXO, her name is Elizabeth Bray, she likes it when we call her Elsie,” Wolf was still just casually eating her whatever and working on her report with her free hand. “She helped us harness the power of Stasis. And she helped us locate Clovis and deal with the Eliksni problem here on Europa.”</p><p>“Is she related to Clovis?” Shin was almost afraid to find out.</p><p>“Granddaughter, so’s Ana.”</p><p>“If I wasn’t sitting down I’d need to,” he said. She laughed.</p><p>“Sorry. I forget not everyone can just take the wild stuff I deal with regularly in stride as well as Glitterbomb does,” she smiled at him apologetically. “But that’s Elsie, and hopefully she’s got good news for us when we get back to Europa.”</p><p>“You never just have normal shit happen to you huh?” Shin asked.</p><p>Wolf shrugged, shoveling food into her mouth. “Keeps me busy,” she said once she’d swallowed. “Would rather be busy than some of those Guardians who just post up in the City. I’d go crazy,” she groaned.</p><p>“I get that. I’d go crazy if I had to stay there all the time too,” Shin said. “Still, you could stand a break now and then, huh?”</p><p>“I’ll take a break when humanity is safe. Until then,” she shrugged. “Same shit as usual. Hive God, Kell, Prime Servitor, Emperor, Greater Mind; I’ll deal.” She opened another package and poured it into her bowl. “And eat something would ya,” she scolded him.</p><p>“It’s super bland,” he said.</p><p>She grimaced. “Sorry. The other one is pesto pasta, that might be better,” she nudged the package towards him. He’d try it. Freeze dried noodles tended to have an odd texture when brought back. He ate the ratatouille anyway just to get it out of the bowl. Better than some food he’d had even if it was bland.</p><p>The pasta was better.</p><p>—</p><p>The first thing Wolf did when they arrived back on Europa was contact Elsie. Shin just sat and listened but couldn’t really hear what she was saying from the cockpit. They’d spent enough time Mars side of the Reef for the rest of Glitterbomb to get some sleep before traveling back to Europa. Then he heard Wolf walking with her fireteam and he knew what was coming. Shit.</p><p>“Shin,” she said as she came out of the cockpit. “Good news bad news. Good news Elsie located the Crypt.”</p><p>“And the bad news?”</p><p>“You need to get the fuck off my ship,” she said with a casual smile.</p><p>“Yeah yeah, can’t stand the sight of me,” he sighed widely. She just giggled. “So you’re running a raid on the Crypt, how long you going to be gone for?” He got up, picking his helmet up as he went.</p><p>“I dunno. A while. No one’s ever been in the Crypt before. We don’t know what we’re in for in there. We just need to find out why its active and what it’s making,” she put all her weight on one foot and he noticed. “Hopefully it’s not just full of creepy frames and dead EXOs like most of the Bray facilities in Europa,” she shrugged.</p><p>“Right,” he nodded and stood in front of her. “Be careful.”</p><p>“This is me we’re talking about,” she smiled easily.</p><p>“I mean it, okay?”</p><p>She frowned, “Why so serious?” Her brows were creased in confusion.</p><p>“I just don’t want anything to happen to you, that’s all,” and then he did the stupidest thing he’d ever done in his life. He leaned down and pressed his mouth against hers. He felt her surprise but he was surprised himself when for a second she kissed him back. Then he pulled back.</p><p>They just stood there, looking at each other. “What was that for?” Wolf asked, confused.</p><p>“I dunno. Felt like the right thing to do,” he reached up and touched her cheek with the back of his hand. “I got something serious to tell you when you get back. So you can’t die, got it?”</p><p>She just still looked confused by the entire exchange.”I didn’t plan on it, so sure,’ she said.</p><p>“And you don’t say shit,” he said and aggressively pointed at her Ghost who was hovering by her shoulder, his shell wide in shock.</p><p>“Uh...”</p><p>“If you’re going to do the right thing, I won’t,” the Ghost said. Shin just nodded.</p><p>They both heard the sound of Glitterbomb over Wolf’s helmet in her hand. “I need to go,” she said and took a step back almost reluctantly.</p><p>“Yeah. Don’t die,” he said.</p><p>“Gods couldn’t kill me,” she scoffed. “Some robots can’t either,” and she pulled her helmet on. “And get off my ship,” she added.</p><p>“Yes, ma’am,” and he gave her the casual salute. She scoffed over her speakers and then transmatted out.</p><p>Shin was alone on her ship. “Oh what did I do?” Shin rubbed his face.</p><p>“That was very brave,” his Ghost said.</p><p>“Yeah. That sucks. I hate that shit,” Shin said. “Take me back to my ship.” His Ghost chuckled and transmatted him off Wolf’s ship. Idiot.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Unwritten scene here is five minutes before they transmat to the start of the raid and everyone is chatting and getting ready Wolf just goes 'So Shin kissed me before I came down here and it was weird'. To which Glitterbomb stops talking, put away their weapons, and sarcastically golf clap. Cat's the only one with a comment of 'my condolences' bc they know Shin's a weird wilderness Hunter just like Wolf does dkjsfd</p><p>If you like me making Shin uncomfortable as a big gay Titan makes a pass at him you should leave a comment!</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. I can hardly stand it. Oh what's a man to do...</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Well Shin's in for a penny and a pound here :,D<br/>Good luck you fucking idiot</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The waiting was agonizing. Shin was normally good at waiting. But when it was followed by what he’d just done it was the worst. His Ghost didn’t chide hims for his pacing either. He was going over what the fuck he was going to say. How he was going to make it not seem like he was the biggest hypocrite in the entire Sol system.</p><p>It wasn’t going well.</p><p>He didn’t know how Wolf would react so it was hard to decide what to say. He couldn’t imagine she’d take it well. Wolf didn’t like being lied to or led on by stuff.</p><p>“I hate to interrupt your brooding,” his Ghost said after a while. “But you may want to come look at this.”</p><p>“Look at what?” Shin huffed and joined his Ghost in the cockpit where the one window was. He’d turned his ship around to face the same way as the rest of Glitterbomb so he could see Europa.</p><p>“The station,” and motioned with his body. There had been a station in gyro-synchronized orbit off to the side of the main view. It was one of several stations orbiting Europa and other Jupiter moons so was utterly unremarkable for the most part.</p><p>“Is that Glitterbomb?” Shin leaned close to the glass. He could see tiny figures jumping around on the outside of the station, amid its huge solar panel array and artificial gravity generators. He went back into his ship and grabbed a scope. When he went back and looked he did indeed see fireteam Glitterbomb out there. At the distance even in the scope they were small so he couldn’t see too many details. “What the fuck,” he said softly. He watched one of the Warlocks do a backflip while jumping between the spinning gravity blades. Then he realized something and quickly counted the Guardians jumping around out there. He was releived when he counted six. No one real deathed.</p><p>“They certainly know how to entertain themselves during a serious mission,” his Ghost said.</p><p>“Yeah, seriously. I must be getting old because I don’t remember Guardians doing that.”</p><p>“You’re old,” his Ghost said. Shin rolled his eyes and sat in the pilot’s chair, watching the station. Slowly but surely each member of Glitterbomb made their way along the underside of the station and to an area out of sight. He didn’t get up from the chair though. If they were inside the station something would happen. He wasn’t sure what but it was never good for whatever they were dealing with if Glitterbomb was in your business.</p><p>He was right about an hour later. There was no noise but the light was enough. Shin half pushed himself up out of his chair when the station cracked in half and exploded in an incredible fireball. “Oh fuck,” he said just as the shockwave rattled every bolt and join in his ship. He checked to make sure it hadn’t damaged his ship in any way before looking back up. The station was falling apart like a bird with broken wings.</p><p>He sat there silently. “You think they’re okay?” Shin asked his Ghost.</p><p>“I believe so. And if they aren’t; you’re off the hook,” his Ghost said sarcastically. Shin glared at them. They were too far away to patch through to local comms so he had no way of knowing. Well, he could know. “Where are you going?” the Ghost asked as Shin engaged the ship’s engine.</p><p>“Just to make sure they’re not dead. If they are I need to at least tell Zavala,” Shin said, steering his ship towards Europa and closer to the surface. There was a large debris field east of the Pyramid where a large portion of the station had crashed. He did a sub orbital fly by, using his ship’s scanners to pick up Light.</p><p>He stopped his ship below the clouds when the scanner detected Light signatures. He spun it around so he could see the ground better, strapping himself in so the moon’s gravity didn’t pull him out of his seat. Scope out he scanned the debris field. A few seconds later he looked past a fire tornado, he followed its previous trajectory and found the diminutive shapes of five Guardians, the sixth was Bear clearing out some debris with his maul.</p><p>“Well unlucky for you, you’re not off the hook,” his Ghost said.</p><p>“Would you shut the fuck up,” and he grabbed the Ghost and shoved him into the hard pack on his hip. He looked for Wolf’s cloak but at this distance it was hard to see. There were two cloaked figures but he couldn’t differentiate them so far away. But that did mean Wolf was there. That made him feel better.</p><p>What didn’t was realizing he might have to watch this play out. And he couldn’t help. He didn’t know if he could stomach watching Glitterbomb literally fight for their lives.</p><p>He really was a filthy hypocrite.</p><p>But he knew that, for now, they were safe. Hopefully it’d be over soon. But he couldn’t watch. He turned the ship around and returned to the flotilla.</p><p>He stayed in the pilot’s chair, face in one hand.</p><p>What was he doing out here? What was he even doing?</p><p>He just stayed there, frozen in self existential dread. He didn’t know what to do. He still didn’t know what he was going to say to Wolf. He didn’t know why he did the things he did anymore. Seeing the whole of Glitterbomb take on the Darkness and then return so effortlessly to the Light really shined a hideous light on his actions. And then barely a day after becoming empowered by the Light again they were back at it defending humanit from dangers and threats they didn’t even know were out there.</p><p>He was stuck in his thoughts for a while, unable to untangle himself from them. Then his consol started flashing and beeping at him, startling him out of his self deprecating thoughts. What was wrong? He checked all his tools but the ship was fine. What was the beeping for?</p><p>“It’s a comm link message,” his Ghost said loudly from the hard pouch.</p><p>Oh. That explained why Shin had no idea what it was. He never got messages, and when he did his Ghost always intercepted them. But he was in the anti-Ghost box.</p><p>Shin had no idea how to accept a message. And flipping switches and pushing buttons at random seemed like a bad idea.</p><p>He let his Ghost out and he gave Shin a look like he was an idiot. The beeping stopped and Wolf’s voice came out of his Ghost. She sounded breathless with excitement. “Hey Shin, we’ve wrapped up here. Just got some stuff to do before we’re back on the ship-“ there was some indistinct sounds that didn’t sound unlike someone blowing something up that briefly drowned out her voice. “-Elsie, that kinda stuff. And if you happened to see that explosion a while ago, yeah that was us. Totally on purpose. See you in a little while!” The message ended.</p><p>“Have to admire their enthusiasm to blow shit up,” his Ghost said.</p><p>Shin was just pale. Shit. He was out of time. He still hadn’t thought of what to say either. There was still the option to just run away he supposed. Then Wolf’s Ghost would just tell her and he wouldn’t be around to defend himself. And she’d probably hate him. Wolf was one of his only friends. He didn’t want her to hate him.</p><p>Shin cleared his throat, “One of the perks of being a Lightbearer,” he said. “Everything blows up.” His Ghost found that funny. “Just... let me know if she opens a transmat link,” he said and got out of the cockpit chair.</p><p>“Certainly,” his Ghost said, watching him walk back into the cabin. “Shin,” he called. “It is a good thing you’re doing this.” Shin just ignored him. Yeah? Good for who?</p><p>He had to wait another hour or so before his Ghost announced Wolf was back on her ship with a transmat link for them. He fixed his face, knowing he couldn’t hide under his helmet like usual, and his Ghost took them to Wolf’s ship. She was in different armor, was wearing a cloak he’d never seen her in, halfway through eating a meal substitute bar. “Whin!” Wolf said, mouth full, happy to see him. Wonder how long she’d still be happy with him?</p><p>“How’d it go?”</p><p>She swallowed hard so she could talk. “You ever know an Eliksni named Taniks?”</p><p>“Mmmm, vaguely?” He shrugged. All Fallen names sounded the same to him really.</p><p>“Well he was trying to make EXO Eliksni, the he turned himself into an EXO with floating spider legs. What is it with Eliksni and needing six extra legs? Anyway, we killed him, and took the Crypt out of commission so other Eliksni can’t try it too,” she was very excited to share the story.</p><p>“I assume that was the space station explosion?”</p><p>“Yeap! Nukes take care of anything.”</p><p>Shin just stared at her. “You’re impossible,” he said. She laughed. “You just say impossible shit all day, but it’s true,” he ran his hand through his hair, unable to believe what he was hearing. But it was true. It was all true. Wolf was very smug about the whole thing but it was deserved so it looked good on her. “Nice cloak,” he said, coming over and picking at it.</p><p>“I took it off Tanik’s body, again,” she said, smug as could be.</p><p>“You just have a whole wardrobe from Taniks?”</p><p>“I’ve ‘killed’ him twice, so yeah, basically,” she said, amused.</p><p>“It looks good on you,” and he couldn’t stop himself, just like last time. He leaned down and kissed her. He might as well try to soften what he was going to say. But he also just liked it. He was still surprised when she kissed him back, carefully, like she wasn’t sure she actually wanted to be doing it.</p><p>When he pulled away she just looked confused again, not knowing what to make of all of this. “You know, for a guy with no friends, who doesn’t even like to talk to people, and spends all his time out in the wilderness; you’re weirdly good at that,” she almost sounded annoyed. He didn’t expect that to be the first thing she said about that and he snorted.</p><p>“Learn all sorts of things at my age,” he smirked and he reached over to curl his hand around her wrist. She’d been in the process of taking her gauntlets off before being distracted by needing to eat and then Shin. Her skin was cool but not cold.</p><p>“I could get used to it, if that’s what you’re doing now,” she said. Oh she was actually into it? Shit he hadn’t considered that honestly. Movement out of the corner of his eye drew his eyes away from her. It was her Ghost, scowling as best it could at him from over her shoulder. Right. Fuck. He probably should say something before anything went too far and he really fucked it up.</p><p>“Maybe,” he said slowly. “I still... we need to talk,” he took a deep breath.</p><p>“Oh right. You said you had ‘something serious’ to tell me,” she leaned back casually. “So what’s up?” Shin’s tried to say a bunch of things but nothing came out, his mouth just opened a little before he closed it. “Shin?” Wolf asked when he just stood there for a minute, saying nothing. He didn’t know what to say.</p><p>In the end he said nothing. Nothing he could say would make what he needed to tell her any easier to deal with. So he just held his hands up and dug down past the well of Light inside of him and found the fire. His hands and half way up his forearms were engulfed in that Dark green and black fire. “Just this,” he sighed, defeated already.</p><p>Wolf stared at him, eyes wide. “Is that— Shin— SHIN,” and now she was mad. Fuck. “You fucking preachy hypocritical asshole,” and she had her sidearm out. “Get the fuck off my ship, right now.”</p><p>“Look, Wolf-</p><p>“I don’t want to hear it,” she snapped and finally put her sidearm up. “You’re no better than anyone else Shin. And now you just look like a psychopath.” Yeah, it did look bad.</p><p>“I didn’t want this power,” Shin said, at least to get a word in.</p><p>She hesitated. “How long?”</p><p>“How long what?”</p><p>“How long have you been able to do that?” Wolf nodded at his hands, gun still aimed at his head.</p><p>“Not always but a long time. Trust me, I don’t want to be able to do this,” he said to make sure Wolf at least sort of understood.</p><p>They didn’t say anything. Wolf was processing. Then she took a deep breath and put her gun. “Get off my ship. I don’t have anything to say to you,” she looked away from him, shaking her head.</p><p>“Wolf-</p><p>“Do yourself a favor Shin,” she snapped. “Go before I actually decide I don’t want anything to do with you.”</p><p>“So... you do?”</p><p>“I need some time to think about it you lying bastard. And you need to figure yourself out, figure out what the fuck is the matter with you. Now get the fuck off my ship.”</p><p>Shin glanced at his Ghost and the next moment he was gone.</p><p>“Well that could have gone much worse,” his Ghost said helpfully.</p><p>“Yeah. Great consolation prize that she could have shot me and thrown me out the airlock instead of letting me leave on my own,” Shin said. He went to the cockpit and thumped down in the pilot chair again. He was such an idiot. What did he expect to happen? Like he could have softened that blow. He’d been a fool.</p><p>His Ghost came over slowly. “Well she didn’t say she wasn’t going to be your friend anymore,” he said.</p><p>“Ghost, not now,” he growled.</p><p>“Ah yes, you wish to wallow in your self pity now. How unfortunate for me,” he scoffed. “Couldn’t have picked a Guardian who faced his problems.”</p><p>“Yeah and who’s fault is that?” Shin snapped and glared at his Ghost, furious at once, the fire rising.</p><p>“It isn’t my fault you became a shadow of what I saw in you, Shin,” the Ghost said. “What Jaren saw in you.”</p><p>“Don’t bring him into this, asshole,” Shin growled. His Ghost was unfazed. “I hate when you bring him into shit like this. He’s dead. He can’t do anything just because you can’t let go.” He hadn’t been this mad at his Ghost in a while. “Or come to terms with your own fuck up deciding some shitty kid was worth giving the Light to.” His Ghost just stared at him. “There’s probably a reason you all pick the dead ones. They can’t call you on your mistakes. Now fuck off,” and he turned away from his Ghost, sulking. His Ghost hovered there for a few more seconds before floating away.</p><p>His read outs told him there was some movement next to him in space. He leaned forward to see out his window in time to see all the ships in Glitterbomb’s little flotilla separate and their engine glow. The next instant they were all gone as they engaged their NLS drives. Shin was left alone over the ice world of Europa.</p><p>Shin spent a while wallowing in his self pity. The entire time the Pyramid was a shiny black chip in his eye line down on the moon’s surface.</p><p>He got a stupid idea.</p><p>Shin turned on one of the scanners and found an LZ. It was surprisingly near the Pyramid. Elsie’s LZ, Wolf had mentioned it. He plugged the coordinates into the transmat and went back into the cabin. His Ghost was resting on its small nesting spot Shin had made for it in an unused cubby one of the times he’d not been pissed off at it. It had been a long time ago. He grabbed his helmet and pulled it on. “Where are we going?”</p><p>Shin held out his hand, saying nothing. The Ghost slowly came out of the cubby and floated over to hover above his palm. “You’re not coming with,” and he shoved his Ghost into the hard pouch before he knew what was happening. He took the pouch off his belt and put it on his bed. “Either I’ll be back or someone will let you out eventually and you can try again,” he said.</p><p>It was a really stupid idea.</p><p>He activated the transmat and a few seconds later arrived on the surface of Europa. It was fucking cold here, even in his armor. No wonder Wolf was wearing such heavy stuff.He started burning his Light to keep himself warm. He wouldn’t need it much longer. There was a lone figure a ways off, humanoid, feminine. He had to assume it was the EXO Stranger. She was looking out across the frozen waste out towards the Pyramid.</p><p>She turned when she heard his boot falls. “Who’re you, stranger?”</p><p>Shin didn’t say anything at first. “Vale,” he said, the old name feeling far too familiar on his tongue. “I heard you know a thing or two about the Darkness?”</p><p>“I do. Who told you that?”</p><p>“Wolf.”</p><p>“Ah,” she said, nodding slowly. “Well I certainly know more than most. Did she send you? That was pretty fast.”</p><p>“I was in the area. How far’s that Pyriamid off?”</p><p>“Distance is relative to the Pyramid,” she said. “It is as close or as far as it needs to be from whoever is trying to get close to it. My instruments say it’s only about twenty klicks away. But I’ve yet to make it closer than this no matter how close I get.”</p><p>“Cool,” he didn’t have a sparrow, he’d left his Ghost back on the ship. Should have thought of that. Oh well. He’d gone through worse. “If Wolf asks, you didn’t see me,” and he started walking towards the Pyramid. He didn’t hear if Elsie said anything else.</p><p>He crossed the frozen abyss and eventually the Pyramid eclipsed the sun, casting itself in hard relief against the storm white sky. She just kept walking. The Pyramid was getting closer. He could feel it. It was just becoming more and more oppressive the closer he got and the more Light he burned to keep the cold at bay. It left the fire behind. The wind tried to pick him up a few times but he didn’t let it, pulling his cloak close.</p><p>The Pyramid was resting on the snow when he finally found the base. He had expected it to be floating for some reason. He looked up at it. It was enormous. Easily as big as the Traveler and the Traveler was the biggest non celestial body he’d ever seen.</p><p>“Well, I’m here,” he said aloud. The cold had burned all his warming Light away and what flicker there was was being swallowed and consumed by the fire.</p><p>He honestly expected nothing to happen. It had been a stupid idea. Why the fuck would the Darkness care about him when it had someone like Wolf to do what it wanted? It was the same thing he’d asked when it came to the Light too. Why him? Why was this done to him? He’d never wanted it, never asked for it. He’d just wanted to avenge Jaren and had planned to die in the process. Instead he just couldn’t die.</p><p>A panel in the huge Pyramid opened at the base. Warm light spilled out across the frozen ground. It was like his dream. He half expected Wolf to walk out.</p><p>A man walked out instead.</p><p>Shin didn’t recognize him at first. Then there was the dawning realization.</p><p>“Dad?” Shin felt himself say, an old slip of the tongue. Shit. Wasn’t supposed to say that.</p><p>Whatever the thing pretending to be Jaren Ward laughed lightly. “Hey there kiddo,” he approached Shin and as he did the wind stilled, the cold and Darkness was less oppressive around him like his very presence could push back the Dark. That had certainly been how it seemed. Every detail down to the scuff on his belt buckle and the scratch on the side of his visor was perfect. Just like how Shin remembered it.</p><p>Shin shook himself. “You’re not really Jaren,” he said.</p><p>“Eh, semantics,” Jaren said in that casual accent he had picked up from a thousand little human towns across the world. “Guardians are just stuff of the Light, and what’s Light without a little Dark, right Vale?” There was nothing threatening about him, even using that name. Shin was still wary. He was a Hunter, he was wary by nature. Not like Jaren. He didn’t know the word ‘careful’ if it bit him on the ass. “Ready?”</p><p>“Ready?” Shin frowned.</p><p>“What, you came all the way out here and you ain’t even ready? Pffft,” Jaren laughed. It was so surreal. “I told you to always be prepared, kiddo,” and he stepped away, back towards the light still pouring from the Pyramid. The sun was hidden deep behind the Pyramid now and the light reached far out across the snow, the only light in a shadowed landscape. “You coming or what kid?” Jaren called, raising a hand like he used to when Shin would fall too far behind. Shin would always suck up whatever tiredness he had and hurry to catch up with the others.</p><p>Shin’s knees felt wobbly as he stepped forward, the snow deep, making it more difficult than it had to be. “Yeah I’m coming. Hold on a sec,” he called, “I’m older than you were gimme a break here.” Jaren chuckled. He traipsed through the snow and stepped up onto the light flooded doorway where Jaren had disappeared into. The panel closed up after him, once more bathing the shadow of the Pyramid in Darkness.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That's... that's probably not what Wolf meant when she said to figure yourself out Shin.</p><p>If you think Shin should stop having ideas that inevitably get him in trouble you should leave a comment!</p>
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